A little over a decade ago I started a personal style blog.

It was the mid 2000s and the phenomena was entering the public consciousness. I knew I wanted to be a part of that. I carved out a little corner of the internet where I could show off daily outfits, talk about clothes, and occasionally produce photo shoots. Day-after-day I lived and breathed my little corner of the style-blogosphere; and the community I shared it with.

Half of the fun or I guess the attraction of style blogging was being a part of a community. I was searching for a tribe of like-minded people who didn’t think fashion was frivolous or dumb. Who also spoke at-length about their clothes when someone complimented what they were wearing. And who shared my contradictory passions for buying second hand clothes and Louis Vuitton bags I could not afford.

Yet, as in all paths in life, the act of style blogging changed dramatically over time. With monetisation and sponsorship, bloggers gave way to influencers, and the need to constantly improve and promote became a necessary part of doing business. And, as much as I tried to be an influencer (and believe me, I bloody TRIED. Like, I tried to a truly sad degree); I was never any good at it. I am chronically terrible at self-championing. I am quickly demotivated and I am inherently lazy. Say what you will about influencers – they work bloody hard.

So what becomes of a failed fashion blogger/influencer when they decide to throw in the towel on their dream of becoming a household name?

To be honest, not much really.

I persisted with the Blog on and off for a while, making myself feel like I wasn’t doing enough, like I was a failure, like I should be doing more. And while all these things were technically true if my end goal was to make money from my Blog or to become famous (which, I think we all know deep down is what I really wanted, but let’s agree to gloss over that now for appropriateness sake) – on a very real and immediate sense it made no difference to my day to day life. Eventually I stopped getting invited to things, I stopped obsessively taking photos of myself and my purchases, and I started to realise that I wasn’t suited to it.

I won’t lie, it is a hard pill to swallow realising that you’re not cut out for something you enjoy. Worse still is realising you were never good at it to being with.

But, as time has passed and I have had time to stop and reflect, I realise that there were parts of it that I was good at. I have always known, for example, that I am a good writer. What I didn’t realise, was that I am a good story-teller, and that I am a bit funny. I’m no Margaret Cho, obviously, but I do tend to make people laugh. And, at the end of the day, I really love thinking about and talking about clothes, fashion and design.

Talking about clothes, fashion and design and making people laugh – what can I do with that, that also ticks off on the new element of my life: the oppressive dread of living on a dying planet on a country that is literally ablaze, and realising that on a day-to-day basis you’re more part of the problem than you are a part of the solution?

The answer (hopefully) is this new endeavour. Website, Blog, whatever you want to call it. This is going to be an adventure in trying to be a better human being.

And in all things at one time or another; failing towards success.

Xx Grant